How To Do What Scares You
Video from Facebook & Instagram LIVE on January 18, 2018
DO WHAT SCARES YOU
That's my theme for 2018.
I've done things that were hard and have seen them make a difference. I want more of those differences. What I mean by hard is I had put some kind of barrier in the way. I decided that things had to happen a certain way, which limited me from getting what I wanted.
Can you relate to that? Every time your dream or imagined next step comes to mind you hear all the reasons why you can't get there, and you believe enough of them to stop you from taking that step or believing in your dream?
Some of those limitations are things like self-doubt, shame, insecurity.
INSECURITY AS A BARRIER TO SUCCESS
Insecurity has been a huge barrier for me. It shows up in thoughts like,
"I'm not strong enough."
"What if people don't like me?"
"What if what I am doing is offending other people?"
Fearing I may be offending someone (or that they might feel I am stepping on their toes) has prevented me from showing up in a way that's authentic. For example, when someone else is being brave, I tend to head for the supporter role and let my vision of leadership die on the sidelines. I get scared that there isn't room enough for everyone to thrive. Which is bullshit. I know it. But so many times I have gotten the message directly or indirectly from others that this is their place to shine and I need to get out of the way. It's a terrible way to build community.
I fully believe there is PLENTY of room for all of us to thrive and would LOVE if you wanted to lead with me, by my side. Community & connection build me up, our collective experiences and co-creation are so much mightier than flying solo. I just read an article about being an Intrapreneur. And while I have my own business, I am realizing my skills and desires align so much with my pattern of adaptability and perpetual re-invention:
"Intrapreneurs aren’t afraid to change course, nor do they fear failure. It isn’t outward bravado that drives them but an inner confidence and courage that every step takes them closer to their ultimate goal. In my own training and vernacular I call this phenomenon “failing up.” I celebrate opportunities for growth, even painful ones." -David K. Williams
I'M A GROWTH JUNKIE
I'm a growth junkie. I put myself in the fire, or in the salt grinder, if you will. I let myself be refined the hard way. And part of doing what scares me is starting to let my mentors and community leaders I admire know that I thrive in collaboration and inviting them to envision with me what would be possible together. It's letting go of the outcome of any one thing I put my energy into. It's envisioning my desires and taking the steps to get there, without getting attached to an expectation. This includes my big picture vision of a communal bed and breakfast that is a hub for inclusion and localism.
I HATED MY BODY & NOW I DANCE ON THE DAILY!
Another hurdle I've faced is hating my body. This, for so many years, kept me from doing something I love -- dancing. I LOVE TO DANCE! For so many years, even though I was in ballet and tap and jazz as a kid, I didn't use those skills or those tools as a young adult because I was afraid of feeling awkward, uncomfortable, making a mistake, being embarrassed in some way. Stepping into loving my body and loving who I am really helped me to do something I love, that had at one point scared me.
I've often told myself there is some reason I can't have what I want. I've used these reasons or excuses to push away my dreams. My big dream is to have a community collaborative bed and breakfast, where people can come and thrive and feel like their a part of something. Some of my limiting beliefs that have kept this dream on the back burner are:
I have to have a certain amount of money first
I have to have a partner first
I have to know where I am going to live for the rest of my life before I pursue this dream
Is there a hoop I have to jump through? Are these limiting beliefs real? I am exploring some new possibilities I did not come up with on my own for this one now. Perhaps there is someone who has a home and property I could rent and start my business while renting? Perhaps there is someone with an active B&B who is ready to transition away from it, but wants the home to remain an active community hub? If you know anyone, please send them my way!
LACK OF INTIMACY
Feeling disconnected to myself and others has also kept me from doing what scares me. The way this shows up is I fear or do not actually have the tools or language to communicate and connect or, more likely, that I am avoiding something that is true within myself. This prevents me from articulating my needs, getting my needs met, and ultimately, getting what I want out of life, a relationship (with myself or another), in my career, etc.
Self doubt, shame, insecurity, hating my body, pushing away my dreams and disconnection all prevent me from doing the thing that scares me. If you are wanting to take the step to doing what scares you, to getting what you want, TRY THIS:
Set aside 10 minutes when you can be quiet, alone and at ease
Find a comfortable place to cozy up with a notebook and a warm, nourishing beverage, like one of these.
Journal about your answers to the following:
Where are telling yourself that you cannot access your dreams because there is some kind of limitation? What qualifiers are getting in the way? (I have to be/have ___________ first)
Where are you pushing away intimacy with yourself or others?
What's one small step you take toward doing the thing that scares you, that you really want to do. Are there steps you have been avoiding?
KAIZEN ~ CONTINUOUS CHANGE FOR THE BETTER
Making a 1% incremental improvement, a micro-step toward doing what scares you, gets you going in the direction of your dreams. Perhaps your micro-step is telling someone else about what you want to do that scares you and asking them how they do it. When I tell others where I want to go, it serves as an accountability mechanism. I've put it out there, and now I have to follow through! Folks in my life who hold me accountable might then ask me why am I not doing what I said I was going to do. Or they think of me when they see something that will help me accomplish my goals, for example a house that's for rent where I could start my Bed & Breakfast.
Be a part of the conversation and check in with me LIVE monthly on the 3rd Thursdays on the Grounded Here Community Page on Facebook. Request to join & I'll see you there! LIVE chats will also be on Instagram @groundedhere
Here's to doing what scares you & moving 1 step closer to accomplishing your dreams in 2018!