From Certainty to Chaos to Open-Palmed Trust
As you may know, I have been going through some major shifts lately. From certainty to chaos, to choices that have given me great pause and struck my fear cord to the core, to really true peace and determination.
I am amazed by the speed with which life changes when I let it. Sometimes, I feel like there is a lot more drama than serves me. And then, I realize I ask for the ebbs and the flowing. I ask to grow, to be challenged. I ask for the opportunities to back in the sun and receive abundant love.
In the past few weeks I have been given the gift of peace of mind. Not peace of pocketbook, or piece of cake, but peace of being in the moment, of opening my palms in receptivity of the abundance before me.
I've spent my entire adult life grasping at desire, holding tight to what seems to be working, fearing that while it may only be good enough, if I let it go I'll have nothing.
Season of Saying No
A few weeks ago, I quit the job I thought would be a gateway to my dreams. (Here is a poem I wrote soon after). I spent a week feeling pretty worthless before I had saw the opportunity to act.
On a Sunday I went into the woods with some mighty women who know about animal tracking and birch bark basket making and came out feeling more like myself than I had in many months.
On a Tuesday I shared with my mom my desire to stay here for the summer and put my feet in the river daily after cooking for kids at Ravenwood, instead of returning to Michigan. Her response was complete compassion and tears fell down my cheeks to salt my parched lips.
Soon thereafter I met with a new friend and pastor who asked,
"How will you feel when you know what's next?"
"At peace and determined,"
I said after reflecting on other crossroads in my life during which a clear pathway presented itself. I left that meeting to visit with a new client, which whom I had a beautiful connection, and who booked 6 more sessions with me. The peace and determination wrapped themselves around me and truly, blew me away.
The path now is an open-palmed walk to job interview, and a relaxing of shoulders and snuggling in tight to let those who love me, do.
I've spent the past few years really learning to love my body, to accept myself, to speak up, to be gentle. I am learning now how to trust others to follow through, hold me up, to trust the universe's promise to me that my life could be better than I could ever imagine.
This work started with learning about Yoga & Ayurveda, with accepting my body, and loving this self with all I have.
This fall (starting the week of September 17) I will be sharing these tools with 10 women in Montana.
My course @ home in your body is merging with my friend and fellow Yoga Health Coach, Heather Stoken's Health Bloom to form BODY BLOOM.