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Ready to Give In

It’s day three and I’m ready to throw in the towel.

I’ve been cleansing, as I have done for several years now, with the seasonal change from Summer to Fall (and also Winter to Spring).

I walked by the brewery and a cute guy from the rooftop was smiling at me. I wanted to go in. I was on my way to Yoga, to practice, not teach. Something I made sure to schedule in this week. The silks class was great, by the way, and exactly what I needed after a full day! Yesterday, when driving by the brewery, I also wanted to go in….hmmm… it about alcohol? I don’t think so, but what I notice is my desire to give in has to do with socializing.

I’m standing in the kitchen, warming my kitchari on the stove while listening to my dog eat his own dry processed food (I do want to make his own someday; it’s an aspiration without a plan). My plan to eat a mono diet for 3 or more days feels challenging this year. I scoop my supper into a bowel and silently say to my dog,“it’s ok, I’m eating dog food, too, this week, the same thing every meal.”

Hold up! I have a choice, people.

I talk to myself as if my own crowd of witnesses! And, I have Himalayan sea salt. The vegetables I’m eating I grew on the farm where I worked summer, and my food is warm, cooked, and I actually like it!

What’s happening here is I am craving company. Cleansing inevitably slows my social calendar. My roommate is at dinner with a friend, and a part of me is envious. Another friend considered a night on the town, and my commitment to 10pm bedtime and no alcohol for these several days, stops me from joining her.

Over the past few months, I let the wind carry my cares, and now I’m intentionally getting back to business. Fall is like that. It’s a good time to recommit and settle into a groove.

What About Self-Judgment?

I catch myself though, with the judgment. I point out to myself too often where I lead myself astray. Instead, this week, I will remind myself that I am grateful. Grateful for these few days of discipline, for the great sleep I am getting, the work I am accomplishing, the complete elimination (and then some )I am experiencing (yes, we talk about poop a lot as Yoga Health Coaches!), and also the opportunity to watch my thoughts, let them go by, or catch them and ask them what they’re really trying to tell me.

My thoughts of resistance this week tell me that I’m a social being, who can benefit from a break here and there, AND that being a people person is a blessing. It’s something I love about me, not something to criticize, rather to support with ample down time for reflection, lest I get carried away and ungrounded, feeling lured into bars handsome, bearded men I might meet, rather than lured into my kitchen with the promise of my own deep and nourishing love.

It’s a journey, friends. One we are all on. When we pause to cleanse, stuff comes up. Whether it’s craving for food or friends, or back talk to ourselves about who we are or how we are taking care of ourselves, we all face it. Part of cleansing is turning the camera around to face ourselves.

It’s a true selfie opportunity, no stick required.

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